Did you really think it was a good idea to invite me to couples night when I'm trying to deal with the fact I got my heart crushed and I'm still single? Was that REALLY a good idea? Then you don't tell me it's couples night and when I drive 30 minutes in terrible traffic and call you to see how many people are coming (cause you're late and we need a table) you STILL don't tell me. I figure it out only because instead of responding with a number, which is what I asked for ("how many") you respond with names...names of married mutual friends. Then when I ask if their wives are coming too, you're all like, yeah. Like I won't get pissed...because inviting your SINGLE, unmarried, depressed friend to be the 7th wheel at the "blissfully married" couples party sounds like a good idea? That sounds like a sure way to push someone to suicide...IJS. The latest headache?
My friend TK. I love you, you my boy! I mean, you annoy the crap out of me sometimes, but that's why you're my non DNA sharing brother, but your ass DOES NOT LISTEN. How the hell did I wind up arguing with YOU about doing a pop up at someones house? How did that happen? Furthermore, I was the one arguing AGAINST it! What I said to you was "I figured out why I'm so sad about this, it isn't him it's about my dad." In fact, I feel better knowing that at least there is a logical, really REALLY important reason for me feeling the way I do but, somehow, I wind up arguing with you for thirty minutes about why going over to someone's house unannounced is bat shit crazy. You have a penis! Don't things with penises hate it when chicks pop up? So, why the hell was I on the defense with you calling me a punk?
I am NOT a punk. I'm a five on the crazy scale and pop ups are an eight...I'm comfortable at a five. Fives on the crazy scale feel like a surefire way NOT to get punched in the throat or arrested. I mean, if a guy showed up at my house unannounced, that's what I'd do. Punch him in the throat then call the police. Why do you want me to get punched throat and go to jail? I'm so confused. I mean I know I kicked you in the throat that one time in college but it was an accident! Marital Art demonstrations and drunk girls don't mix. We found that out that night; I thought we were past that. Are you still plotting your revenge against me? That was like, 10 years ago I'm sorry! Then there's the fact I've known you for 11 years and I NEVER knew your level of crazy surpassed mine. How'd you hide that shit?
Furthermore, I told you it has NOTHING to do with him, I miss my daddy. Yeah I miss Nessy too, but I miss my daddy WAY more and that's the real cause of my pain, but you called me a coward for a straight 20 minutes because I won't "fight for him?" ...WTF? I mean, I feel like I just saw a freaking leprechaun riding a unicorn in my backyard. Did you just tell me that sometimes, guys are like frightened dogs and you have to go and drag them out from under the bed? Did that just happen? But I'm talking about my dad, what in the land of FUCKS are you talking about man!? I don't think it would be too pretty or effective for me to drag my dad up from where he is...and that shit would get me arrested and put in the loony bin so, yeah, I'm not dragging out anything or ANYBODY. Alive or otherwise.
In short, my friends that I love so dearly, I have to say this. Sometimes, ya'll have got use your mouths less and your ears more. In fact, throw your brains in there with your ears. I love you guys like brothers, but damn! Ya'll either trying to drag me into some shit, cover me in shit or telling me to walk into shit and I don't even want to feel like shit anymore. Please, listen more and talk less because I really need someone to talk to, but you guys are starting to make me feel like someone put LSD in my coffee.