I love you guys, I truly do, but ya'll don't listen for shit! I say things like "I don't want to hear any the sun will come out shit..." and you say "either you stand up or bow down to life" ... Did I NOT just say I didn't want to hear that sappy Hallmark shit? I say "I really need silence to write" and you won't shut the fuck up. I say things like, "I figured out why I'm so hurt" and you respond with a statement "it's really hard to get over heartache" ...but that isn't what I said, I didn't say anything REMOTELY deserving of that statement. I said something that should have lead to a question, but ya'll are talking about the price of tea in China and I'm talking about the Walking Dead season finale. Seriously, I DO love you guys with all my heart, but ya'll are giving me a headache. Did you really think it was a good idea to invite me to couples night when I'm trying to deal with the fact I got my heart crushed and I'm still single? Was that REALLY a good idea? Then you don't tell me it's couples night and when I drive 30 minutes in terrible traffic and call you to see how many people are coming (cause you're late and we need a table) you STILL don't tell me. I figure it out only because instead of responding with a number, which is what I asked for ("how many") you respond with names...names of married mutual friends. Then when I ask if their wives are coming too, you're all like, yeah. Like I won't get pissed...because inviting your SINGLE, unmarried, depressed friend to be the 7th wheel at the "blissfully married" couples party sounds like a good idea? That sounds like a sure way to push someone to suicide...IJS. The latest headache? My friend TK. I love you, you my boy! I mean, you annoy the crap out of me sometimes, but that's why you're my non DNA sharing brother, but your ass DOES NOT LISTEN. How the hell did I wind up arguing with YOU about doing a pop up at someones house? How did that happen? Furthermore, I was the one arguing AGAINST it! What I said to you was "I figured out why I'm so sad about this, it isn't him it's about my dad." In fact, I feel better knowing that at least there is a logical, really REALLY important reason for me feeling the way I do but, somehow, I wind up arguing with you for thirty minutes about why going over to someone's house unannounced is bat shit crazy. You have a penis! Don't things with penises hate it when chicks pop up? So, why the hell was I on the defense with you calling me a punk? I am NOT a punk. I'm a five on the crazy scale and pop ups are an eight...I'm comfortable at a five. Fives on the crazy scale feel like a surefire way NOT to get punched in the throat or arrested. I mean, if a guy showed up at my house unannounced, that's what I'd do. Punch him in the throat then call the police. Why do you want me to get punched throat and go to jail? I'm so confused. I mean I know I kicked you in the throat that one time in college but it was an accident! Marital Art demonstrations and drunk girls don't mix. We found that out that night; I thought we were past that. Are you still plotting your revenge against me? That was like, 10 years ago I'm sorry! Then there's the fact I've known you for 11 years and I NEVER knew your level of crazy surpassed mine. How'd you hide that shit? Furthermore, I told you it has NOTHING to do with him, I miss my daddy. Yeah I miss Nessy too, but I miss my daddy WAY more and that's the real cause of my pain, but you called me a coward for a straight 20 minutes because I won't "fight for him?" ...WTF? I mean, I feel like I just saw a freaking leprechaun riding a unicorn in my backyard. Did you just tell me that sometimes, guys are like frightened dogs and you have to go and drag them out from under the bed? Did that just happen? But I'm talking about my dad, what in the land of FUCKS are you talking about man!? I don't think it would be too pretty or effective for me to drag my dad up from where he is...and that shit would get me arrested and put in the loony bin so, yeah, I'm not dragging out anything or ANYBODY. Alive or otherwise. In short, my friends that I love so dearly, I have to say this. Sometimes, ya'll have got use your mouths less and your ears more. In fact, throw your brains in there with your ears. I love you guys like brothers, but damn! Ya'll either trying to drag me into some shit, cover me in shit or telling me to walk into shit and I don't even want to feel like shit anymore. Please, listen more and talk less because I really need someone to talk to, but you guys are starting to make me feel like someone put LSD in my coffee. This post is a complete deviation from my previous post, but I feel it needs to be said and it needs to be shared... "There's so much pain in the world today." That's what my cousin said and she is completely right. There were maybe three generations of women sitting at one table and talking and that's what they were talking about. The pain that people feel in today's world and how it has changed everything. My Aunt joked that her grandson would only date someone if they were on three medications or less. "When they get to four, he's done, but he expects them to be on something nowadays." Some drug prescribed by a doctor to lessen the symptoms caused by deep pain. They even spoke of one woman who committed suicide because of a broken heart. I'm sure she was on something to lessen the pain as well, but it didn't help obviously. According to npr.org, about 11% of Americans are taking some form of antidepressant. The numbers for women are even higher; every 1 in 4. I thought about this when I got home and was still thinking about it when my naive little mind got hit by its own sledgehammer of hopelessness. Monday afternoon, a friend of mine showed me a video that was posted on Instagram involving a person she knew and a person she "knew of." The video was apparently in response to the male (can't say man) finding out the girl he was involved with was cheating on him. He seriously posted a video on freaking Instagram of the girl performing an act that should've been private and between the two of them! He posted TWO videos in fact and was completely disrespectful to anyone that commented saying he needed to take the videos down. I was completely appalled! My first thought was "Oh my God that poor girl must be so embarrassed!" "Report it, block it, do something to get it taken down!" I said to my friend who did all of the above a while later. I was even more appalled by the MANY comments congratulating this person on putting the girl "on blast" and posted things like "lol" or crying laughing emoticons like the shit was funny. That same day, I heard story after story about people cheating on their significant others and only cutting things off when it became convenient/inconvenient for them to continue the side relationship they had going on. Not because they realized it was wrong to say "I love you" to one person while doing something that HAS to be done in secret because it would destroy that same person emotionally, but because it became too difficult not to get caught. In short, they stopped cheating because cheating became too hard for them. What the FUCK kind of reasoning is that!? Why would you KNOWINGLY put someone that is committed to you in a position to go through the same pain you've probably gone through in the past? Why are so many people OK with being a shit storm in the lives of others? It was around 6PM Monday night that I seriously had a mini panic attack and began to realize I was losing all faith in mankind. THIS is what the world has come to? People using people for their own pleasure and then discarding them without a care, a person being publicly humiliated because someone was mad at them, people being unfaithful and the people around them seeing nothing wrong with it, men spreading a disease that kills without thought, MOTHERS that torture and murder their own children. I talked to friend about it and he said to me "it's normal in today's world." Is this really the "new normal"!? Some of you may think I'm being dramatic about the thoughts going through my head about this, but I say, why the hell aren't you feeling the same way? I want to get married and have children one day, but how the hell am I supposed to find a partner and safely raise my children when there's a pandemic of bullshit, selfishness and insensitivity that's considered normal? This is Detroit, MI where there is a church on every damn corner, but there are so many people that are completely in it for themselves. How the hell can people go to church on Sunday, say how much they love Jesus, leave church and be the example of What Jesus Would NOT DO? In my translation of the bible, when Cain asks "am I my brother's keeper?", the Lord replies "YES BITCH, YOU ARE!!" But I rarely go to church...the irony. There was a time when neighbors and neighborhoods all looked out for each other. There was time when "it takes a village" translated into loving acts of kindness and protection. Almost anyone over the age of 29 can remember having a neighbor tell them to "take their butt home" because the street lights just came on. There are still people around that remember having a friend of the family babysit them when their parents had to work. When my dad died, one of my NEIGHBORS cried for hours because my dad was "the man he learned how to be a man from." His father was still around and he wasn't the greatest role model, but he still had other people around him willing to show him love and talk to him when he felt like there was no one to talk to. I remember, (please don't judge me) a time I was in so much emotional pain I tried to commit suicide. I don't say this to focus on the pain I was in, but to share a moment when a stranger asked me "do you see your parents? Why would you do this to yourself when you have two people that love you so much?" I cried as soon as he asked it because he was right. 15 years AFTER I fought through my problems, I still remember the EMT worker that cared enough to SAY something that changed the course of my life. A VILLAGER spoke up and reached me at a time I was holding everything inside and felt like I couldn't talk to my parents. A VILLAGER told you to go home so nothing bad would happen to you. A VILLAGER sat on the porch and talked you through your pain and was the example you needed when your home life wasn't perfect. That is the power of a village. But, we've lost villagers to the "new normal". The "new normal" is the constant perpetuation of pain. I will not accept this and neither should you. The "new normal" failed those children that were living with that mother, hell, it failed the mother! The "new normal" cheered on as a young woman was being publicly branded a whore on social media, the "new normal" perpetuated the idea that men should use women no matter the pain they cause because that's what men do. People laugh at the pain of others and they tell them to "suck it up and be quiet" when they cry out for help. The "new normal" teaches us that we should mind our own business and stay quiet when we see someone in pain. The "new normal" teaches us that it's every man for him/herself. The "new normal" teaches that selfishness and apathy are what makes us strong. But we are a VILLAGE and as such, we should know that selfishness and apathy makes us weak. The "new normal" is literally killing us on a daily basis with its lack of concern and action. I want to be a villager, so, I say the "new normal" can kiss my ass. Everything in human beings is meant to be emotional and empathetic. We have been able to create language, build civilizations and progress because of a natural need to come together and share emotions, thoughts and ideas. We have used empathy to interpret good and bad situations and react accordingly in order to survive. We have used EMPATHY as a tool for change in order to move people to do what is right. If it weren't for the ability of human beings to FEEL the emotions of complete strangers, slavery would have never been abolished, the Civil Rights Movement would have been an epic fail, Hitler would've won. These are only a few examples where, throughout history, people on the OUTSIDE of a crisis have gotten involved because they empathized with the paid a bunch of strangers were experiencing. Did you cry when 9/11 happened? Did you watch it on TV and begin to think how it must feel to lose a loved one to such a senseless act? How it would feel to lose your mother, your father, your child, your best friend. Yeah, that's what empathy is, the ability to UNDERSTAND and SHARE the feelings of another. We will kill ourselves and the others around us if we continue in our selfish apathetic ways. The "new normal" is reactive, it shouts out against injustice once the injustice has happened, it talks more than it listens, it pities more than it understands, it sits by and watches more than it acts. It is apathy and apathy is death. Apathy is desensitized to the pain it sees every day. On the other hand, the village is proactive, the village listens and understands, the village acts. The village is empathy. Do you see the difference? Empathy is LIFE. Empathy is love. Empathy has to beat the crap out of the "new normal" if we are all to survive. I challenge everyone that has read this post to the end to re-post it, go out into the world and EMPATHIZE with a stranger and share how it FEELS on my Facebook page. We have to find the villagers if we are to be a village again. #kissmyassnewnormal #newvillage I know most of you won't take the time to watch this documentary, but you should if you can. Right now, this moment, I'm supposed to be getting ready to watch the MSU vs. Duke game (Go Green!), but I've had this thought running in my mind for a few days now, so I decided to write about it, 'cause that's what I do. So, here's my thought, why is it that men in general feel like my standards are too high? They all think their standards are completely reasonable, but when it comes to me, I somehow want to marry a god. Awhile back, I got into a slight argument with a guy about this. He was all like "you're standards are too high, you're never going to get a man if you don't let go of your high standards!" But, not only did he NOT stop to listen to what my standards were, but he assumed I wanted a bunch of shit that I don't want. In my experience, men assume women want either an Adonis of a man or a man that makes 7 figures and will pay for everything, but that isn't what I want. In fact, in my experience, that isn't what MOST women want. I'll speak for myself when I say my choice in men comes down to three things. 1. My ability to emotionally and mentally connect with the person 2. The foundation we have TOGETHER to build a healthy future 3. My personal preference in basic genetics The first two are pretty self explanatory. I want someone that I can truly connect with and someone stable enough to grow something real with me as a team. And when I say stable, I mean they can take care of themselves and have a job. The third thing is a little more complicated, but it's the way nature works! I like tall guys that have decent builds (don't have to have a perfect body) and men that have natural intelligence. These are traits that are passed down generation to generation and quite frankly, I want my imaginary/future children to be taller if possible, but I'm not budging on the intelligence factor. I'm not having dumb ass kids. So, when men say "lower your standards" I want to tell them to "up your game." In fact, the game for men in general has fallen to shit and when I talked to a friend about why, it made sense to me. Let's imagine the year is 30,000 BC. There is no technology, no real medicine, no way to travel other than to walk...a lot. In fact, so much walking is required to get anywhere new that people probably stayed in a close knit group called a tribe/village/whatever and they chose their mates from that group of people. There were women and men both looking to procreate in their small groups of people, but the women had more to lose when choosing a mate. Men ejaculate an average of 180 sperm cells every time they orgasm. Then they regenerate those sperm cells so they can possibly impregnate a woman all over again. They can repeat this cycle pretty much until the day they die. If they can get up, they can get someone pregnant. Women on the other hand are born with a finite number of eggs and out of those eggs, there is another finite number of eggs that will be viable enough to POSSIBLY be fertilized. You add in the lack of modern technology, medicine and the fact that women can freaking die during child birth and it's pretty obvious women have A LOT more to lose when having sex. So women, naturally had to be chooser when picking a mate. I'd also like to assume back then, the gene pool was a little better. All the slow fat hominids were trampled by stampedes of oversized buffalo and the dumb ones couldn't figure out how to start fires, so they froze to death. So, let's assume the gene pool leaned more towards the smart and healthy side. That would more than likely mean that women had a decent pool to choose from, but for the most part, they did the choosing because, well, there is that whole threat of death during childbirth, so Lucy wasn't sleeping around. Which made the men do everything in their power to catch the attention of the mate they wanted, but in the end the woman still chose. To make this point a little more relatable, let's fast forward to a time when there was medicine and technology, but it still wasn't all that good or available to women. I often think "they don't make 'em like my daddy anymore" and there's a reason why. During the time before Women's Suffrage and the Feminist Movement, "slut shaming" didn't have a name and you didn't have to be a slut. If you lost your virginity before marriage, you were automatically a whore and DON'T get pregnant before marriage. You would either be forced into a marriage, live with the stigma of being "less than" your whole life or risk death/imprisonment with an unsafe and illegal abortion. So, even in those days, men had to be "better" in order to win their prize. Now let's go to modern times. Thanks to feminist and the feminist movement, women have more access to much needed healthcare, are being seen more often as equally sexual creatures to men and well, that risk of pregnancy has been diminished through the use of pills, IUDs, condoms and Plan B. So, that cost I spoke about earlier has gotten a little less important. Not only that, but thanks to modern medicine and technology, that slow, fat, dumb male that should have been Darwined (it's a verb) out of the gene pool, has somehow managed to create a rap career and now has chicks throwing themselves at him because he has money. The lowest genetically viable male no longer has to work in order to reproduce and the most viable Alpha has so many choices, they don't really have to choose. This shit is all fucked up. While good women are searching for a good mate, the good mates either don't try at all because they've never had to, or they don't make a choice because they don't feel like they need to. So, the good women are told to lower their standards and accept less ... because men are too lazy to up their games without their being a reason to do so. Let's think of the proof of this. Some of this stuff I didn't believe actually happened until I started to see it with my own eyes. Things like women that have had MULTIPLE abortions. I'm not judging a person that chooses to have an abortion because it is THEIR choice, but you think after it happens once your ass should get on the pill? Even the fact things like the pill exist is proof that women can now have sex without the risk of pregnancy. Assuming women like sex as much as men do (we do btw) and the stigma of sex before marriage is becoming a thing of the past, it's probably safe to assume that more sex is being had in general. Now, I'm not saying every woman is out there just sleeping with anybody, but I can own the fact I'm not as choosy as Lucy probably was. So, men don't have to work as hard to find sex and they think all they need to get the prize woman is money. In case you didn't know, that isn't a prize it's a THOT. THOTs are really pretty to look at, but dumb as a box of hair and loose with the coochy. They are making things so easy for anyone with money that Mr. Money bags feel like women should chase him! Perfect example, Doc. If you follow my Facebook fanpage, you know I went out with Doc (he's a doctor) last week. When I met him, he was completely not my physical type, his emotional IQ was probably a 2 and something just didn't sit well with me when it came to him. I had planned on going out with him again to see if we could maybe be friends (totally platonic), but he started acting like an arrogant asshole! He called me twice while I was on the phone with friends. Then text me "I called you back" like I don't have caller ID in 2015, then he text me AGAIN while I was still on the phone "You're dating schedule must be really busy" to which I responded "Or, I'm on the phone with my friends. That's the other option." This all happened over the course of an hour. One freaking hour of my phone constantly beeping because I just MUST be at his beckon call right? No. Well, he sent me a text after that at 12AM pretty much telling me I was rude and to "stick to what you know which is silly white boys." This is proof to me that men feel like they don't have to work anymore. He obviously was arrogant enough to think I should drop everything and do what he wanted despite the fact that physically, he got the evolutionary short stick in that department. Ignoring the physical evolutionary short comings, he was capable of learning medicine, but he was still an idiot. I don't date "silly white boys", I date silly black ones, he only needed to look in the mirror to realize that! But, he was used to THOTS that would do anything for him because he had money to offer and NOTHING else. So in the end, despite how far women have come and how beautifully independent, intelligent and decisive we are, there are a few things that have happened to make it harder for us to find an Alpha in the sea of Beta males. In theory, we have helped to create more Betas. Which sucks, but it was also necessary for us to advance in the world. Now, we have to find a happy medium so we can improve the dating pools for our children. One day, I hope all woman can come together again and get back to our evolutionary roots, effectively forcing men to get their shit together. But, in the meantime, I'm going to keep looking for my Alpha. I'd rather be alone than to settle for salad when I want a steak. |
AuthorAs an avid reader and novice writer, I seek to share my single lady experiences in an informative and entertaining way. Feel free to share your thoughts as well in the comments sections! Archives
June 2015
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