A few weeks ago, I went to the Pacquiao vs. Mayweather fight with a guy I was sort of going out with. You may have seen me talk about Professor X on my Facebook page. Well, truth be told, his conversation was great, but I wasn't physically attracted to him, so I friend zoned him. He knew he was friend zoned and he also knew I was the complete opposite of emotionally available, but he kept trying. This particular night, he went entirely too fucking far.
We went to, what he told me, were his "friend's house" to watch the fight. Turns out, almost everyone there knew him for years and were more like an extended family. When I walked in the door, I was introduced to fellow party comers as "his girlfriend". I waited for him to correct the, but he didn't. Despite the training of pure feminism my all girl high school taught me and the burning anger I had at being labeled as someone's possession that I didn't even want to possess, I didn't say anything. I thought to myself ... "self, let's not embarrass this boy in front of his friends. Stay quiet and deal with it for one night, then talk to him about it tomorrow." That's what I thought and that's what I did for fucking hours and the whole time through a boring ass fight I had been waiting years for. But, there was one thing that helped me through the night. Copious amounts of alcohol (it was a weekend, I didn't have to work. Stop judging). I will try not to bore you with the details, but pretty much this is what happened.
After being told ALL FUCKING NIGHT by his friends, how perfect we were together and how he was such a great guy and how we made a cute couple, he got into a random argument with a random guy that was at the party. It took me a while to realize they were arguing and even longer to realize they were arguing over me. Funny thing is, I didn't want either one of them! Then I found myself cornered in his friend/"like a sister's" kitchen with three people surrounding me and telling me I should give it (Proffesor x) a try. At least that's what I can gather from what I remember of the conversation. Then Proffesor X starts yelling at me. About what? I don't remember, but I feel like he wanted an answer about our relationship. I had already told him SEVERAL times I didn't want to "be" with him. Well, SUPER long story short, later that night when I told him I wanted to go home, he decided to take me for a joy ride.
We were in West Bloomfield, we needed to go south east to get back to my house, but after 15 minutes of driving in what should have been a 20 minute drive, I realized (in my inebriated state) that we were no closer to my home. Not only were we not any closer, but we were going in the opposite direction. Were we going somewhere else? I have no clue. Was he driving AWAY from my house for a specific reason? Still, no clue. What I do know, is that I was FUCKING SCARED.
Nearly 3 in every 10 women has been raped at some point in their lifetime (http://www.thehotline.org/resources/statistics/). That was the statistic that kept going through my mind while I was being yelled at for asking where we were going. So, let's dive deeper into the fear I specifically was feeling at the time.
I was drunk off my ass. Like SUPER drunk, so I knew I couldn't really defend myself. I had been texting my friend, but she was already out and not with me. Anything could have happened in the 20 minutes it would've taken her to get to me. Then there's the fact that I didn't know what the fuck was going on! I didn't see this coming. He always seemed...safe. Calm and logical, but that shit was neither. So, I did what I could. I verbally took control and started barking out commands until I finally got home.
I'm not saying he was trying to rape me or assault me or scare the shit out of me, but he DID scare the shit out of me. The fact is, most women are not as physically strong as a man and every time we are alone with a man, we are at risk. That's the cold, hard, messed up truth. Dating is a PHYSICAL risk for women, but what the hell else are we going to do?
I'm not saying women are helpless by any means. When I was in college and the dorm room creeper tried to force himself in my dorm room at 3AM in the morning, I kicked him in the stomach to get him away from my door and was able to sleep safely that night behind the heavy fire door of my dorm. I can and will kick some ass if push comes to shove, but that doesn't negate the fact that women are vulnerable to attack.
Violence against women is glorified everywhere, from TV to music to video games. There are men out there that really believe that getting a girl drunk to have sex with her isn't rape! NEWS FLASH: Sex with an unconscious or highly inebriated women that can't even say "the" clearly is rape! It's really fucking simple actually. However, my real point is, men need to be cognizant of the fact that a women may be a little skittish around them for good fucking reason.
When I go out on a first date with someone, I don't know if you're a serial killer or a rapist or an abuser. Usually, that shit comes out later and it isn't like assholes have a scarlet "A" on their foreheads. So, if I say "I want to go home" take my ass home! I don't give a shit if you're pissed you aren't getting laid, just take me home! If I say "No", don't try to talk me into the shit or play "just the tip", I said "NO!" And if you put your hands on me, you should probably run 'cause I'm going to cut your ass and don't be surprised by it either.
The real men out there already know what's up, but some of these boys are nucking futs and need professional help. Real men, protect the women you see no matter what and women, protect yourselves as best as you can. Dating can lead to bliss, but do not forget it is a risk. Take care of yourselves.